Honesty

I am not the most eloquent writer when it comes to my blog, or really in any sense... and I've spent tonight catching up and changing the post date so it 'appears' I was consistently blogging, so I'll apologize now for my blubbering, or going on and on. I hope I make sense. After reading my friend Lillie's blog about how we all tend to take the great things in our lives and post them onto our blogs. Almost appearing perfect with our well thought out, edited pictures, and cute things our kids did and said that day. I am inspired to write this little entry. I hope this isn't depressing for anyone but thought since I want to turn this blog into our family journal/ scrapbook I should record all of this. And since my life is far from perfect but so far... I think I've just tried to put all the great things about us on here. I'm including a little honesty... just to keep balanced and a little real.

Last fall when I was barely pregnant I found out that the nodules that I've had on my thyroid for the last few years were now 'suspicious' and that my thyroid needed to be removed. The biopsy's I've had the last few years always came back benign and I've had the cysts aspirated/ drained and we've moved on. Well, I think it was good I changed doctors and went to an endocrinologist and got things looked at closer. They couldn't tell me if the biopsy was benign or malignant, and since I've had these thyroid issues they said we'd need to remove it to make sure the pathology was clear, and this way wouldn' t have to worry about any more growths.

So we took this news in stride and prayed for inspiration in what to do since I was pregnant and the surgery might cause me to miscarry, or hurt the baby. So we decided to put it off until this summer after the baby would be due. At 13 weeks, I ended up miscarrying just the week before Eric and I were scheduled to go to Hawaii. My sister's ticket was already bought and everything was in place. (she came to take care of the kids while we were gone) So after begging my doctor to still let me go (and promising him a Hawaiian pineapple in return.) (the deal was I could go, but no swimming and no sex) ... so much for Eric's Hawaiian dreams... I met Eric in Hawaii and I did my recovering on the beach laying out trying to forget that I wasn't pregnant anymore. And wondering if this was the Lord's way of telling me that I needed to deal with the thyroid issue and then worry about expanding my little family.
(I hope I don't sound flippant about all of this... I think I've explained it so much and I'm super tired and probably still drugged up a little)
After many doctor's visits and drives back and forth to Riverside I finally had my surgery on Monday. My mom has been out here this week helping me and being the Super Grandma/ fill in Mom. The nurses told me I was a 'light-weight.' And unfortunately they we not referring to my actual weight. They meant I responded to anesthesia quickly without alot of drugs. I'm sure it's because I don't drink or do any drugs. (I'm so grateful for the Word of Wisdom)
So coming out of surgery was hard because I was so out of it and of course in pain. The surgeon spoke to us after and told us he didn't like the way the thyroid looked but couldn't tell us for sure until it went through pathology. ... not what we wanted to hear. But we are hopeful and I keep holding on to the priesthood blessing Eric gave me a few months ago when this all arose and he blessed me that it wouldn't be cancer and that everything would work out.
I have such a great husband who was by my side the entire time, helping me throw up over the side of the wheel chair and holding my iv for me all the while. He has been such a strength to me, I'm so grateful for him.
So now I am thyroid-less. if that's a word? I'm taking medication and slowly getting back to normal... i can't believe I'm still awake. it's all the napping I'm doing... And now I have this lovely incision across my neck... as my daily reminder. Brent keeps looking at it and saying, "band aid?" and blowing on it. :)
I have been so blessed through this whole ordeal with a supportive family, such great friends, my sweet little young women. (They had New Beginnings last night and I of course had to miss it but the presidency came over with a beautiful bouquet of roses with notes attached to each rose from a different girl) our young women's is so amazing... that's another post
At this point I have to be grateful for these trials, really so many other people have much bigger issues in their life to work out. It has brought my family closer and I have grown closer to the Lord. I just have to learn to rely on Him and accept His will for me. We will keep everyone posted on Monday, when we get our results.
Eric thought I should include my picture of my 'lovely' neck. Sorry if it's graphic.
...I never knew how heavy my head was until it was hard to hold up...